Yes, yes, I'm ok, dear readers. Thank you for your emails of concern. Physically, I've caught the bug again, and I've been sick since Thursday night. I don't know why and I don't know what it is, but hopefully it will subside soon with 3 hour intervals of Zicam (Thank you, D.) and Echinacea (spelling?) and fish oils (eww!) and my favorite, Bee Pollen.
Dad is doing well. He and mom are moving to Jacksonville shortly to start his treatment. I say "moving" loosely because, happily, they will be returning on the weekends. Please continue to keep him in your prayers, above all that the cancer will be gone swiftly.
So I suppose in a few days it will be very quiet around here. And that is a funny thing, because quiet is what I've been searching for, but not because I don't want anyone around. I'm searching more for that inner quiet that has somehow become a static radio, scanning through the stations and refusing to settle on just one. I have so many distractions: Relationships that need to be built and tended to, projects to start on, applications to finish, a to-do list a mile long and yet far too short.
I think if I had a giant white board across my bedroom walls one side would read "to-do" and the other side would read "should be doing," and if I may be so bold I just might put a white board on the floor that would say "should have done- or should not have done," so that every morning when as I got dressed or got on my knees to pray it would be wiped clean. And of course the ceiling would be low enough to write, every day, "Will Be, God willing."
Thursday J. and I took a rented convertible over to Bartow. I cannot tell you why I had to go there, only that I feared for my safety somewhat so I was happy J. was able to accompany me. This took most of Thursday, as I had to wait awhile for my turn. Too late for us to return to work, he and I returned to Tampa and faced rainy weather- a perfect waste of a nice convertible! Nevertheless, we spent the evening at "our" Panera Bread over soup and sandwiches and of course coffee, waxing nostalgic on the way life is and will be soon. I say "our" Panera loosely because during the LSAT class we would make a mad dash over there to get something to eat during the short lunch break. I admit we drive out of our way to go to that one rather than have sandwiches at the SOHO one.
An observation worth noting is the amount of impatience that is present in Tampa these days. Yes, we are hosting the game on Sunday. Yes, Gasparilla is only a week away. Yes, the economy is disappointing. But is this really a reason for everyone to walk around with ashes on their faces, and so downcast? When we were in Panera John and I looked around, and I tell you he and I were the only ones smiling. But we were the only ones toasty-warm next to the bagel toaster, so maybe that's why. And we had a convertible for the day.
I know I didn't even make it a week without writing. I wanted to wait at least a week, but what can I say? I miss it. I am doing fine, really! I have heard that if you refuse to give your body rest, your body will make you take it in the form of illness. From previous posts you can probably gather that my health has not been good over the past few months. I have had not one, but two flu bugs in January alone. I have a skin condition that I've never had before that doesn't want to clear up. I turn in much earlier than I used to. The only improvement is that I am finally, finally sleeping again. I get tired, fall asleep, and stay asleep. Blessedly.
Recently, I have been blessed to have fellow believers express concern and offer kind words and encouragement. For that I am grateful. I'm doing some research into a retreat center that offers a place of solitude for prayer, fasting, and generally spiritual rest. I feel like I've been in a library, and in order to be a good, busy librarian I've been shelving books without reading them, because there are just too many people and things that "need" my attention. (I say "need" because I've not been entrusting them to Him, and not because I feel people or relationships are unimportant.) I'm far too busy to read books! I had been shelving the books until later, later, later... and one day, that bookshelf couldn't hold anymore books and fell over. And when I looked at the mess of piles sitting around, I picked up the first book I could find... and it was labeled Prayer. Under that book was "God's Word." Under that one, subsequently scattered and laying partly open, "Godly counsel," "Forgiveness," and "Kindness and Gentleness," among many others.
And in a pile, there on the floor, I know I need to get started picking them up and reading them before I put them somewhere besides a high bookcase.
Maybe this metaphor doesn't mean very much to anyone but me.
I'm going to rest now but hope to write again soon. Have a wonderful Sunday!
Posts
