Jeff

I have to say, my little brother Jeff is one of the funniest people I know. We went out tonight for ice cream, a trip to Lowes, and a trip to Target to return something. How funny are these quips?

Scene:
I'm reading Domino magazine when Jeff walks in.

"Hey Chels, I'm going to run to Lowes because I need some wood screws." (Jeff)
"Um, ok, well I need to go to Target, sooo..." (me)
"Hey, that's like one trip!" (Aghast!)
"Yep. Lemme change and we'll go together."
"Wait, are you going to, um, 'look' at Target? Because if you're going to shop, I don't want this to take, like, all night. I have things to do, you know."
"No, no.... (assuredly) I don't need anything....
...I just want to return that closet thing that I bought that broke.... I'll just run in and return it and we'll go get your stuff from Lowes...." (I leave the room, continuing to assure Jeff that the items is ready to go, I have the receipt, and I'll just 'run in...', I don't need anything at all, etc, etc...)
"Ok."
8 seconds later...
"Ok, Chels... so, how long are you going to 'look' ?"
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The simple fact that we were going to Lowes to buy screws brought some challenges, and prevented Jeff from asking assistance from, well, pretty much any Lowes employee. I mean, how DO you word a question like that and not embarrass anyone...?
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Scene:
Jeff and Chelsea are leaving the Cold Stone Creamery shop, disappointed that shop wouldn't take our Buy One Get One coupon, and not feeling prepared to drop $10.00 on two cones. A really cute, preppy, ponytailed blonde is going in while we are leaving. She holds the door for us, but Jeff had already started to hold the door for me. So the three of us are kind of suspended there, her gazing up at Jeff, seeing her children in his eyes, me rolling my eyes, and everyone present holding the door for each other, until we all have that moment when we laugh nervously and start apologizing and moving away from the situation. ("Sorry, haha, sorry, haha....."

Jeff, quietly and to himself: "That is so awkward."
Me, overhearing him: "Yeah! It's kind of like that awkwardness when you hug and say goodbye to someone, and then they continue walking the same way as you are. Like, your car and their car are parked right next to each other, or there's only one exit, and you realize it and it's awkward."
Jeff, "Yeah, kind of like that."
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We have a good laugh over this and walk over to Publix, where we bought Buy One Get One Edy's Ice Cream half-gallons. This event made us happy because we each got our own flavor, since one was free, which was pretty much what we were going to do at Cold Stone. Except Publix was out of Toll House cookie dough ice cream! Tragedy!
So we brought the vanilla and chocolate-brownie tubs home and mushed our own cookie dough in. (Only Jeff would keep a tub of mixed cookie dough in the fridge.)

Yum! My dough-to-ice-cream ratio was off, but Jeff's looked, well, perfect.
Jeff: "Chels, you should mush more often."
Me: "Um, no, Jeff, I don't think I need to mush more. Thanks, though."
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Earlier, I'm getting home from work. I stopped at Chik-Fil-A because I was starving. I worked through lunch, again, and only had toast today. (I've lost so much weight this week, anyways, my jeans don't fit, so I figured a chicken sandwich wouldn't kill me)

Me, eating my sandwich: "Jeff, I'm sorry.... I've been so used to living alone, I only brought one sandwich, and I didn't know you were going to be home, and so I didn't call to see if you wanted anything, I feel so inconsiderate, blah, blah...."
Jeff: "That's alright. I just came from Burger King, and didn't even think about asking if you wanted anything."
Me: "Sorry, man."
Jeff: "Yah, sorry too."

Nothing gained, nothing lost :)