Sabbatical

Sab·bat·i·cal [suh-bat-i-kuhl]
–adjective
1. of or pertaining or appropriate to the Sabbath.
2. bringing a period of rest

What is a sabbatical? Well, I am about to find out. A sabbatical, from what I can gather, is a time of rest that one takes from the normal routine. I had an interesting conversation with a friend two days ago, who said that the world should revolve around the sabbath, and not the other way around. Meaning, God wishes us to have rest.

As usual, this pebble turned around in my head for awhile. Without prior knowledge or planning, I am also at the point in one of my books (Ordering Your Private World, by Gordon MacDonald) that is continually referencing the importance of having the inner life and the inner part of my soul to be organized. Not a checklist organization, mind you, and those of you who know me know how much I like my checklists. No, this is that inner peace, the inner stability that comes from...

Discipline.

There, I said it. I know it is one of my words, one I tend to use frequently. But (and I cannot tell you how many times this has come up the last two weeks) discipline in the areas of spirituality have been sorely missing from my life. My desire to go to church, bible study, or any other sort of formal doctrinal experiences is gone. So I pondered this, and wondered, because it is not that I do not wish to become close and intimate with God again. I do desire this- no, I need this. I need it more than the desire for water and exercise and rain and even the deepest desires of my heart. But just as I try to trim around the edges, rather than cut right through something, I need to be very deliberate in my search for this deep and internal stability and spiritual rest with God. Note that I say WITH God, and not from God.

MacDonald (and if you have not read this book, I recommend it) further says that we may appear to be making it on the outside, but our inside is crumbling like a silent sinkhole that one day opens up and then collapses. He tells the story of the day he Hit The Wall, a day when he crumbled in weeping. He talks about how we can appear to be fine, but one day everything catches up to us.

And while I am not going to Hit The Wall, I still have been feeling that God is commanding me to do some serious inner working. Hence, my sabbatical. I'm not even sure what sort of things I'm going to be doing, should be doing, or when such a sabbatical will end. I just know that He is telling me to do this. I do know that there are certain things, every day, that I'm going to be doing. And there are certain things that I am going to take a break from.

I am going to be very deliberate in the area of physical rest and time budgeting, because I am finding that I am squandering the time that is so precious on things that have very little meaning. I firmly believe that God is telling me to spend my time on Him, my family, and my studies. (Pretty much in that order). Curiously, I also feel very driven to schedule time for myself, even when I want to talk myself out of it in lieu of "so many other important things." (And, really, are they that important?)

If you would like to follow along on the journey, please do so. Of course, I'm not going to write or say everything that is on my mind, but perhaps my stumbling along can be an inspiration. And even if it's not, even if no one ever reads this, I know that I've done the right thing and I'm being obedient.